[Umano] 5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

원문 : http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship/

청취 : http://umanoapp.com/c/RyyLj/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship?no_popup=1

*위 링크에서 원문 및 음성 청취 가능

 “Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.” ~Billy Wilder

"당신의 직감을 믿으십시요. 당신의 실수 또한 타인의 것이 아니라 당신의 것입니다." -Billy Wilder

I’ve had my share of toxic relationships, or at least what I thought was toxic. Is it fair to say you have too? My guess is that we’ve all endured the company of people who were not shooting for our highest good.

저는 독이 되는 관계를 맺어 왔거나, 적어도 저의 생각에는 독이 된다고 생각합니다. 당신도 그렇다고 말하는 것이 맞는건가요? 우리는 모두 우리의 만족을 지향하지 않는 사람들 투성이를 견뎌 왔다고 추측합니다. 

As for me, the relationships that were the most debilitating and unhealthy gave me the feeling that I wasn’t taking care of myself spiritually, mentally, or physically like I should.

저에게 있어서, 이러한 힘빠지게 하고 유익하지 않은 관계는 제가 영적으로 정신적으로 혹은 신체적으로 내가 해야 하는 나에 대한 배려를 하지 않고 있다고 느끼게 만듭니다. 

I was feeling less than myself, like I was compromising my life goals with each second I stayed around those people. Mind you, these were both friendships and romantic relationships.

저는 제가 하찮게 느껴졌습니다. 마치 저는 내 인생의 목적을 같이 생활하는 사람들 사이에서 양보하는거 같았습니다. 당신을 가장 중요하게 생각하십시요, 연애에 있어서든, 친구를 사귐에 있어서든

I call these relationships toxic because my authentic self withered away into someone I didn’t recognize—denying all that was natural for me.

저는 이러한 관계들을 독이 된다고 말합니다. 왜냐하면 진실한 자아가 나다운 자연스러움을 모두 부정하는 내가 인지 하지 못한 누군가에 의해 죽어 버리기 때문입니다. 

The label “toxic” means something that drains life and energy. Before I knew it, I was weak and feeble, subject to the whim of the person to whom I’d given my power.

"독이 되는"이라는 이름표는 삶과 에너지를 소모시켜버리는 어떤것을 의미합니다. 제가 알아차리기도 전에 저는 약해지고, 내 힘을 바쳐버린 사람의 생각에 예속되어버립니다. 

I was guilty of it: hanging around those people too long in an effort to do what was supposedly right by societal standards—fighting to stay in a relationship instead of giving up “too soon.”

사회적 기준에 따라 당연히 해야 하는 것을 한다는 노력 하에서 너무 오랫동안 이러한 사람들과 어울린것은 저희 잘못입니다 - 빨리 포기하는 것 대신에 그러한 관계에 머물려고 노력한 것

Little did I know that my desire to be agreeable and accepted was suffocating what was right for me.

동의하고 받아들일수 있는 저의 욕망을 전혀 알지 못한 것이 저를 위한 옳은 일을 억압하고 있었습니다. 

Why did I have to sacrifice my happiness for what society says was right? I was living stifled in self-judgment and fear, and I’m sure society couldn’t have cared less!

왜 사회가 옳다고 말하는 것때문에 저는 저희 행복을 희생해야 했을까요? 저는 자기판단과 공포속에서 숨막히게 살아왔꼬, 저는 사회는 그것조차 못했을 것이라 확신합니다.

While some difficult relationships can open our eyes to new perspectives and expand our awareness, some obviously shut us in and hinder our development. Our intuition will alert us one way or the other. It tells us, change and growth should feel good!

몇몇 어려운 관계들이 새로운 관점에 대해 눈을 뜨게 해주고, 우리의 인식을 확장시켜주는 반면, 또다른 관계들은 확실히 우리를 가주고 우리의 발전을 방해합니다. 우리의 육감은 우리에게 어떠한 방법이든 간에 경고해줍니다. 그리고 변화와 성장은 도움이 될것이라고 얘기해줍니다. 

It’s important to know when you’re in a toxic relationship so you can choose something better for yourself.

당신이 유해한 관계에 있고, 당신을 위하 더 유익한 것을 선택할 수 있다는 것을 안다는 것이 중요합니다. 

When I was in my toxic relationships, I ignored my intuition in favor of my logical mind, which told me that losing that person was worse than having him/her around.

But our intuition knows best; unlike our mind, its only motive is our happiness.

제가 유해한 관계속에 있을 때, 저는 논리적 사고를 따라 저의 육감을 무시했습니다. 그리고 그 논리적 사고는 저사람을 잃는 것이 계속 관계를 유지하는 것보다 나쁠 것이라고 말했습니다.

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

당신이 유해한 관계에 있다는 5가지 신호

“Toxic” doesn’t only entail obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It also represents all the internal turmoil that results from an unhealthy relationship. I’d like to share how I learned to recognize when I was in a relationship that was not suitable for me.

"유해한"은 단지 신체적인 학대나, 절도 혹은 욕설같은 명백한 피해를 수반하는 것은 아닙니다. 또한 모든 바람직하지 않은 관계로 귀결되는 내재적인 불안을 의미합니다. 저는 저에게 적합하지 않은 관계에 있다는 것을 인지하는 법을 공유하고자 합니다. 

These are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

당신이 유해한 관계에 있다는 5가지 신호입니다.

1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.

아무것도 제대로 하는거 같지가 않다.

The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time. You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging.

타인이 지속적으로 나쁘게 괴롭힌다. 그들은 시종일관 인신공격을하고 창피를 준다. 당신은  비난하고 판단하는 행위를 하는 사람의 특성을 인정하고 용서한다.

2. Everything is about them and never about you. 

모든 것이 당신이 아니라 그들의 문제이다. 

You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word.

당신은 감정이 있다. 하지만 타인은 그러한 감정들을 들을 수 없다. 당신은 당신의 의견이 반영되거나 존중받고 고려되는 양방향 대화를 할 수가없다. 너의 감정을 알리기 보다는, 그들은 당신을 꼼짝 못하게 할 때까지 당신과 싸운다. 

3.  You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.

당신은 이 사람과 좋은 시간을 보내는 것을 상상할 수 없다. 

Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness.

매일 다른 도전이 온다. 그들이 항상 당신을 괴롭히는거 같다. 당신의 행동을 통제하려는 그들의 시도는 당신의 행복을 통제하려는 것이다. 

4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.

당신은 그 사람이 가까이에 있는 것이 불편하다. 

You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.

당신은 당신의 생각을 말하는 것이 불편하다. 당신은 그 사람이 받아들일 다른 행동을 취해야 한다. 당신은 당신이 진정한 당신이라고 인식하지 않고, 당신의 가장 친한 친구나 가족들에게도 그렇게 행동한다는 것을 깨달았다. 

5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.

당신은 변화하거나 성장하면 안된다. 

Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now.

당신이 성장하거나 자신을 발전 시킬 때마다, 타인은 조롱이나 불신으로 반응한다. 당신의 노력에 대한 격려나 지지는 전혀 없다. 대신에 그들은지금의 당신에서 더이상 변화가 없을 거라는 옛날에 판단에 가둬둔다.

If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you.

당신이 이 신호중 하나라도 경험하고 있다면 당신의 관계 유익하기 보다 피해를 주지 않는지 확인해라. 어떤 관계가 그럴 만한 가치가 있는지 판단하라.

Embrace the answers that come from your intuition, as it wants the best for you—and this relationship might not be it.

당신의 직감에서 오는 대답을 인정해라. 이 대답은 당신을 위한 최선이고 그 관계를 그렇지 않을 것이다. 

Take deliberate action according to your gut feeling. You won’t be sorry.

당신의 감을 따라 신중한 행동을 취해라. 후회하지 않을 것이다. 

Maybe you choose to talk about your feelings with the other person, or you decide to put more space between the two of you.

당신은 타인과 당신의 감정에 대해서 얘기하고 싶거나, 당신은 그 사이에 거리를 두고자 할 수도 있다. 

It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Taking any action is the best medicine.

불편하거나 불안하다고 느껴지는 관계에서 우울로 이어지는 괴로운 결과의 영향이 나타날 때까지 기다리지 않는 것이 증요하다. 어떠한 행동이라도 하는 것이 최고의 약이다. 

Now it’s your turn: Without giving names, do you find yourself in a toxic relationship? Have you left a toxic relationship and want to share how that decision has changed your life? Or are you afraid to leave a toxic relationship because you fear the repercussions? Leave a comment and share your experience.

이제 당신의 차례이다: 이름을 말하지 않고 당신은 유해한 관계에서 당신을 찾을 수 있는가?

유해한 관계에서 벗어나고, 그 결정이 다인의 삶을 어떻게 변화시켰는지 공유하고 싶은가? 아니면 그 반향이 두려워 유해한 관계을 벗어나는 것을 두려워 하는가? 댓글을 남기고 당신의 경험을 공유하라. 

An added note: If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, get help today. Don’t wait.

추가 사항 : 당신이 신체적으로 학대받는 관계에 있다면, 오늘 도움을 청하십시요, 기다리지 마십시요.